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# 148 “Daddy and I … it’s a closed book”

Maud’s father has said he wants to go to a rehab clinic because of his alcohol addiction. Maud and her brother are overjoyed that their father wants to take that big step, but bump into the fact that almost all clinics are overcrowded. Only in three weeks’ time will their father be able to have an intake interview at the earliest. Maud therefore moves in with them to take care of him a bit and to watch over his alcohol consumption. She comes across an old map of Jelle, her ex-boyfriend, and decides to call him. They agree, but to her shock, Jelle is very jovial: he is overjoyed to see her and kisses her forehead.

I’m not sure how to deal with Jelle’s jovial behavior. Wouldn’t he know I’m busy? I hesitate to say it, because if he knows it and it is not intended that way, I immediately make such a crazy atmosphere…

As I doubt, half a minute has passed and I decide not to comment on it. Jelle and I have known each other very long, he showed me every corner of the room and we know every spot on each other’s body. Such a kiss is not much right? Still it feels weird.

Jelle speaks out loud and seems genuinely happy to see me again. I feel the same with him, but somewhere it also feels awkward. I dare not start about Tommy, afraid of ruining the atmosphere. Somehow I hate myself: if Tommy did this to me – meeting with an ex, then – I would be furious. But if nothing physically happens between me and Jelle then I don’t do anything wrong, right ?! Still, I dare not answer when I see that I have received an app from Tommy. Afraid he’ll call me and I’ll have to answer to both parties what I’m doing. Phew…

Also read: # 147 I can have a little distraction, right?

The afternoon with Jelle was refreshing. Someone who knew my parents well and who has known me through and through is in some cases just a little easier to communicate with than all those new friends. My dad seems to be doing all week. I make sure he eats well and my brother benefits from the fact that there is someone in the house who cooks delicious food for them. We have thrown out all the alcohol together and we don’t talk about drinking all week. I don’t know if this is the way to get him off the alcohol, but now that we can only go to the rehab clinic for an appointment in two weeks, this is really all I can do. And it seems pleasant for all parties for now.

My mother asked me to come and talk on Sunday. She sat all week with what I said to her over the phone and I also felt bad about it, but somehow there was some truth in what I shouted at her. We decided to meet at the Amsterdamse Bos for a brisk walk. When I see her the tears come to my eyes. Damn, why does this whole divorce with Daddy have to be so complicated ?!

,,Sweetheart!” kissing my mom and flapping the corona rules completely she gives me a hug and kisses me on the forehead. ,, I’ve missed you so much lately! I am very sorry. How’s Daddy? “

Happy. In any case, she asks the right question to start this conversation with. I start to say that Daddy is just unhappy and that he lacks structure and love in the house. That I cooked for them all week and that he immediately seems to be doing much better. “Mom, I know a lot went wrong, but you really can’t forgive Dad and just come back?” I really think you two belong together and will be much happier. Both!”

I see that my mother is changing color. She starts to stammer. That gag in my stomach that I have been feeling for years is coming up again. ,, Maud… I understand you want to, but I don’t think it will work. Daddy and I … it’s a closed book. We love each other as friends … At least; I love him as a friend, but no longer as my lover. I am so happy with Willem. It really shows me those old-fashioned butterflies that I have been missing for years. ”

I look sour before me. That cunt Willem van Tinder… Can’t match a man who has done everything for my mother for years and who may have ridden a skewed skate one fucking time ?! I stop to fall out and notice that my mother wants to say something, but gasps like she doesn’t dare.

“What’s the matter?” I frown as I look at her and feel that gag grow. She looks at me anxiously and starts to stammer even worse.

“Well, um… no, leave it alone. Now is not the time, ”she stutters.

“NO, what is it ?!” I shout angrily as I stand in front of her and block the way, afraid that she will literally walk away from this difficult subject.

“Maud, don’t get mad please. It is very difficult for you I understand, but I am really happy with Willem. And uh… ”

She is silent for a moment. Irritated, I raise an eyebrow, telling her to keep talking.

She sighs and continues: “He asked me to marry me the day before yesterday and I said ‘yes’.

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# 148 “Daddy and I … it’s a closed book”


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