Although there were big plans to move and live with Rochella, Levi threw a spanner in the works. The plans are canceled. Even with love, Maud actually has no idea which way she wants to go. To make matters worse, the holidays are just around the corner and Joris also texts her if she has plans for New Year’s Eve.
Christmas is now over and although it is “different than usual” I secretly had a few very nice days. It wasn’t such a bad thing to celebrate Christmas for the first time with my father and his new flame as well as my loving mother and her boyfriend. We had a lot of fun, especially with my father and “the neighbor”. We had bought a game where you have to put some kind of mouthpiece in your mouth and then read things and play games. It was howling with laughter! While we squeal out of joy, I sent a video of the whole event to Joris. “You have nice dad! ;-) “he wrote back, followed by. “Maybe next time I can join you?”
That comment has stuck in the last few days. It got me next to butterfly – he wants to meet my parents! – also stomach pain. After all, Tommy and I still haven’t officially split up. It’s all getting a bit complicated now. I spent the evening of Boxing Day alone. Not Joris, not Tommy: just Maud in bed in pajamas with a really bad Christmas movie. I scooped out a whole bowl of ice cream on my own and ordered pizza. Well, that’s a great way to spend your holidays! But the feeling continues to gnaw.
Joris came up a few days ago with a proposal to spend New Year’s Eve together. He knew someone who was throwing a party in a house somewhere on the outskirts of the city. Well with too many people; there will be about 15 people, a lot of drinks, games and good food. Still, I had my doubts. The last few days I keep getting texts from Tommy that he misses me and that he hopes that I am doing well. Although I did not answer, I keep thinking that if I choose to spend New Years with Joris, this is a kind of sign for both that I have made a choice. And I am not at all ready to choose …
Yet I find myself constantly looking at nice dresses online the last few days to celebrate my New Year’s Eve. A lot of sequins had to be on it: I want to enter the new year full of glamor. I have already been added by Joris “just to be sure” in the group chat, where it has been about nothing else all week. And I was allowed to take someone along, which I said to Rochella. She has “mother-free” on New Year’s Eve (Luca stays with Levi) and since she knows there is a chance of a party she doesn’t talk about anything else. This tends to be with Joris on New Year’s Eve.
When I get home today I see that one of the envelopes is in the mail for me. Must be just a Christmas card, I think as I open the envelope. When I tear it open I am shocked: this is not a Christmas card, but a super thick letter of at least ten pages. I let my eyes pass over the sentences. I see “dear” and “dear” several times and I notice that the letter has been damp in some places. I don’t have to think very long who this letter might belong to, and when I take a quick look at the back, I see that it is indeed Tommy’s. The damp patches look suspiciously like falling tears… sigh. What am I supposed to do with this ?!
Also read: # 178 I don’t like it, I think it’s terrible
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