Maybe you’ve already dealt with one, or maybe it’s even one of your best friends: an emotional manipulator. People who consciously play with the feelings of their fellow human beings and manipulate them as they please.
We all allow ourselves to be influenced by the feelings of our fellow human beings. For example, if your partner had a bad day, then you too are likely to be in a much worse mood or, conversely, maybe you can save them the day with your good mood. The feelings of your friends, colleagues or your boss can also have such a big influence on you.
Unfortunately, there are many people who take advantage of this very influence to manipulate you. So they change your perception and in the worst case they make you doubt your mind.
Often, however, we do not even notice that we are dealing with such manipulators and simply let them guide our feelings. There are simple signs by which you can recognize them. Travis Bradberry, writer and expert on emotional intelligence, showed it in a guest post for Entrepreneur.
You can recognize emotional manipulation by these nine signs:
You are good liars
They tell you about things that never really happened or deny things that happened. They do it so credibly that you often doubt yourself and simply buy the lies from them. With this they want to awaken your pity, for example, to put yourself in a good light and to change your perception.
If you feel that you are being lied to, you should try to expose the liar. Question him, check for inconsistencies, or ask others if they can confirm a story. Of course, everyone can be wrong or remember something different than what actually happened, so you shouldn’t be too hasty with any accusations.
You are too open
Although you don’t know each other very well, they tell you about very personal things or even trust you with supposed secrets. Here you should be careful, because maybe they just want to create a trust base as soon as possible so that you all of them your told personal stories and secrets. They will then use them against you at some point.
So you shouldn’t trust anyone hastily, but first create a basis so that you know that you can really trust a person.
They know your weak points – and use them against you
They know where to squeeze so that it really hurts you. If you are unsure about how you look, they can comment on your choice of clothes, for example, or what you will order when you eat together in the restaurant.
Instead of helping you feel better, they try to make your life harder and add to your insecurities.
What they say and what they do are two completely different things
They tell you exactly what you want to hear, but ultimately only do what suits them. Instead of being honest and telling you in advance that they don’t share your opinion, they simply promise you their support – even though you won’t get it at all.
If this happens to you for the first time, you may not see it coming and you won’t be able to do anything about it. But once again you shouldn’t fall for the same person, but question them from the beginning.
They are playing with your conscience
No matter what you do, an emotional manipulator will make you feel bad about it. If you argue it is your fault and if you only talk about one problem, it is your own fault.
They then use that you feel bad to their advantage in order to get exactly what they want. Basically, they don’t care about your feelings.
Your feelings become your feelings
When they are bad, you are bad, and when they are angry, you are angry too – they are in complete control of your emotions.
In doing so, they awaken your pity and ensure that their the problems of them want to solve, although they actually have nothing to do with you.
They downplay your problems
When you talk about your problems, they make you feel bad about it. After all, they are much worse off and they always have exactly the same problem as you – only that yours is of course much worse than yours. They always draw you into comparison and make you feel ungrateful, a nag or a whiner.
You play the role of victim
The whole world has conspired against them and they are never to blame for anything. Basically, they simply never take responsibility for their mistakes. They always put the blame on others and preferably on you.
They pretend to be helpful – but are not
If you ask them for help, they are quick to do it, but when the time really comes that they have to help you, they pretend it is a huge additional burden that they have to bear because of you.
Although they have assured you of their help without any problems, they moan and moan about how much work they have because of you. To save yourself that, you shouldn’t even ask her next time.
You can do that
Do these signs apply to one or more people you know? Then you should try to create an emotional distance from them. Do not try to start a deep friendship with them, but stay on a factual, neutral level with them.
Learn to perceive your feelings differently and always try to make it clear where the feelings come from – from yourself or the influence of others?
Recognizes the behavior patterns of a manipulator and learns to deal with them. Set him boundaries and make sure that he cannot cross them.
This article was published by NewsABC.net back in 2016. It has now been reviewed and updated.