Bard Billot on the conspiracy bozos
Traitor’s Gate
Lo, there was a sour and mean mood
on the narrow streets of Queens Landing.
Yahweh Brian had manifested in the Town Square
and promised to pull a rabbit from a hat.
Yea, verily, no rabbit came from the hat.
Saint Chantelle had her visions cancelled
by the Great Sky God, Zuck.
The rebels were in disarray and most jaded.
But then did ride in from the bad lands
Dark Count Kelvyn, and Contessa Hannah
loyally carrying his anti-feminist sandwiches.
“Hear ye!” Proclaimeth the Dark Count
at the Gates of Queens Landing.
“I am here to assume my rightful title
as Galactic Emperor for Life
through bloody insurrection!
When I prevail, I will ensure
the lopping and grinding of each and every
Minister of State, write, foreigner,
apostate, non-binary pink and green unicorn,
scholar, quack, sapphist, street musician,
Turmeric latte drinker, and writer of Odes.
I will tear down the infirmaries
and smash the Ungodly Tinctures and Potions.
I will burn the children’s playgrounds
and lay waste to the well-clipped lawns.
There will be no mercy.
There will be show trials, floggings, explosions,
mass carnage of unprecedented grimness,
and then after that.”
At that moment
four burly sheriff’s men come out of the gate,
seize the count by the scruff of the neck
and silently drag him away to the Tower.
“Unhand me,” he cries with wounded dignity.
“You are breaching my freedom and rights!”
But his querulous voice vanishes
as the Great Door of the Tower
slams shut with an epic finality.
Victor Billot has previously felt moved to compose Odes for such luminaries as Guarev Sharma, Sam Uffindell, Bishop Brian, the Prime Minister, Mike Hosking, and Garrick Tremain.
