“The alarm went off, like every morning. But that day I didn’t get out of bed. I just couldn’t get out anymore, I was up. For a long time I wasn’t really happy at work, but I pushed away the stress and dissatisfaction. I simply did not want to let it in. But that morning in bed was a wake-up call. I was terribly stressed, that could no longer be denied. I called in sick.
A tough period followed, in which I could not escape making choices. I couldn’t go on like this any longer. For a long time it has been a dream of mine to go to the Dominican Republic. I had always postponed that. I sometimes took short trips, but I never took a few consecutive weeks off – that didn’t allow my strong sense of duty. It never really came true. Six months after I had become exhausted, the time had come. I went to the Dominican Republic with a group trip. Finally I really started doing something for myself. “
“My work at the time was never my passion. In 2007 I looked for a side job after graduating. As a policy researcher I ended up at a commercial research agency where I researched government policy and wrote evaluations. Then the crisis broke out. I have a lot of people who were out of work and who just couldn’t get to work. That shocked me. Looking back, I see that I already opted for safety back then. I thought: it is a great job and I have nice colleagues. I thought I should be happy with what I had.
Still, something gnawed. I did not always agree with the substantive and organizational approach of the company. I wanted to spar with colleagues and make plans together. But there was little room for that. ‘A waste of time’, I was told. While I felt the need to tackle things as a team, instead of everyone on their own island. That this didn’t work made me angry and frustrated. I often gave dance lessons in the evenings and weekends, which gave me satisfaction and energy. My agenda was packed. I just kept running without thinking about what I really wanted. “
Hours of worry
“My dissatisfaction with my work grew. I quickly became irritated about small things. This affected my private life, I also got a shorter fuse outside of work. I was not feeling well. During that period my father also developed a serious accident, so it added extra stress. At the end of the work week I invariably had a migraine attack. I slept worse and worse. Sometimes I spent hours worrying, and in the morning I struggled to drag myself out of bed.
All in all, I worked at that company for ten years, of which I was certainly not happy in the last three years. But I didn’t dare to quit my job. I chose safety, knowing where I stood. And I also had some very nice colleagues. That’s how I talked it right for myself. And it is also in my nature to do what is expected of you. Persevere and don’t throw in the towel. I wanted to change things in the company in the workplace, I didn’t want to let go of that just like that. While I now think: gosh, how hard can you make it yourself? “
“It was a matter of time before I really collapsed, which also happened when I ran out of energy to get out of bed. Fortunately, a few months later I was able to make my dream trip to the Dominican Republic. could not have made a better choice, I had a fantastic time, we had a great tour group, I could dance and during the day I was lying on the beautiful beach overlooking the Caribbean Sea.
Finally I got free from all the stress and obligations that I mainly imposed on myself. I no longer ran from place to place but lived in the moment. That journey was a turning point for me. Because that one go with the flow vibe if I could integrate a little more into my normal life, I realized. Something had to change, otherwise I would still be so fed up with my work in twenty years’ time. “
Once at home, I went to a coach, because I could not figure out what I wanted. I needed help with that. I thought that was quite a thing, because I always had to be able to do everything myself. For the first time in my life, I took the time to think things through. I literally had to make time for that: I started working less.
With the help of my coach I looked at what I wanted, but also at how I am put together. I dissected patterns to find out why I got stuck in relationships or situations that didn’t make me happy. This process eventually gave me the courage to quit my job. That was exciting, but also a relief. Sometimes nerves screamed through my body: what the hell was I doing? But because of my coach I dared to trust that it would turn out well. “
“It has been two years since I quit my job. I started giving more dance lessons and started a coaching course myself. In the meantime, together with two partners, I started a company with which we provide training and coach people to dance through the life. To really make their own choices and do what makes them happy. “
Much more relaxed and happier now
“I notice that I have changed. In any case I have become much more relaxed. Now with corona we are of course in a crazy situation. I have not been allowed to give dance lessons for a long time. That would have caused a lot of stress in the past. Of course I hate it, it is. different from what I had in mind. But I can easily get over it now. It will be okay. This is the situation now. It is what it is and I have to accept it. I am confident that it will all be I never want to get stuck in something that doesn’t feel right and choose safety out of uncertainty Sure, somewhere that steady job would have been easier in these turbulent times. But would I have been happier now? . “
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