Life Style

Margaret never wants to be shy again: ‘I allowed everything. I was bullied and ignored ‘

“I can only remember that I was shy. As a child I thought everything was good and I especially wanted to please others. Children were allowed to take my toys and friends were always allowed to choose what we were going to do. I thought everything was fine. And although I did not think so, I did not dare to give up. Others were always above me. I did not have a real, equal girlfriend. I was alone a lot. That hurt me, because I was a very sensitive child. alone outside or listened to music in my room.

Of course, my shyness made me an easy target at school. Because I allowed everything, I was bullied in class. Children are very tough and know exactly what the pecking order is. As we walked to the gym, I was pushed. My gym clothes were thrown in the shower. Then I did nothing, I just allowed it. But most of the time I was belittled with words. I don’t even remember what exactly was said. I blocked that. But what I do know is that words hurt even more than clap. ”

“In high school I was still an introvert and an outcast. From a distance I watched others have fun and hang out with each other. I dated a few girls, but I didn’t have real friends. At my postgraduate social studies school. it went better, I thought it was a nice training and I felt safe in the classroom.

But my self-esteem was still very low. I couldn’t handle compliments. If someone said I looked nice, I collapsed. And: I just didn’t believe the compliment. In groups or when meeting new people, I still slammed. And being the center of attention was completely awful to me. “

“I was eighteen when I got into my first relationship. My boyfriend was calm, just like me. So that was a good fit. Together we had two children. Still, our relationship didn’t last, especially because we communicated poorly with each other. I had a few other relationships, but I met men who didn’t treat me right, I couldn’t do anything right with one, I did the housework wrong, and my dress was bad and sloppy.

Everything was always my fault and when he got angry he got a devilish look in his eyes. Then I was really scared. I was also often ignored. I was not just listened to, talked through me or not responded to texts for days. It was like I no longer existed to him, and that hurt me so much. Ignoring is a very nasty power game. “

‘Please others, ignore myself’

“In such situations, I shot back into my old mechanism: then I went others please and ignore myself. That was of course not healthy. I got physical complaints. Especially pain in my chest, which made me short of breath and started to hyperventilate. How small and miserable I felt. “

“It was not going well with me, that was clear. I was down, did not feel like anything and got negative thoughts: what was the point of life? After an exchange with an acquaintance in which I did not feel heard – that triggered me. the old pain again – I collapsed last year. I really didn’t want to live anymore. A friend then called in the GGZ. Eventually I ended up with a fine psychologist. In therapy it turned out that I am a highly sensitive person. That means that I I need time to let things sink in and that I feel my emotions – and those of others – more intensely. Exactly what I’ve struggled with all my life. It was great that it finally had a name. “

Lots of anger

“Now I get the help I need. Through psychomotor therapy I learn to go according to my feelings. Sometimes we go back to a situation in the past, and then I learn to deal with it differently. only that I had a lot of anger in me about what had been done to me. I learn to analyze that anger and to put it aside, because it takes too much negative energy. I don’t want to waste my time on that. “

“The biggest insight I made was that I let too much walk all over me. Yes, I’m still shy. But now I open my mouth when I don’t like something. When someone ignores me and talks through me. , I now say, “I’m talking, why are you interrupting me?” That’s really a big change. Not everyone likes that, some people have to get used to my new assertiveness. But that’s not my problem, they should know how I feel. I now feel strong, independent and no longer anxious. Never again do I want to let myself be belittled, and never again do I want to be held back by my insecurity.

Currently I am single, but I am open to love. I want someone who understands, respects and accepts me. Someone with whom I feel seen and heard. I am looking forward to the future, together with my children. For the first time I feel peace in myself. That is so nice. As if everything has fallen into place. “

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Never again?

Do you also want to share your story and tell what you ‘never want to experience again’, do or do not want to do? We are curious about your story. Mail us at weekendmagazine@rtl.nl

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