Life Style

Set limits: 8 rules with which you finally succeed

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Sometimes it is the manager who regularly calls after work to place work orders. Sometimes it is relatives who only report when they need money. Occasionally, it is also the partner who gives out hurting swipes disguised as a joke in front of friends.

If in a relationship the balance between give and take is no longer correct, when we are deprived of our energy, we are injured or overloaded, we have to set limits to protect ourselves. But the closer the relationship and the greater the dependency, the harder it is for us to stand up for ourselves.

Coach and author Attila Albert also found out that many have to struggle with it. In the almost nine years that he has been coaching customers, he has been able to determine how many people actually have difficulties in showing boundaries. This gave him the idea of ​​writing a book. In his guidebook “I no longer participate,” published by Graefe and Unzer, he gives tips on how to no longer suffer tacitly or quarrel, but to tidy up your private and professional relationships.

In the interview, he told us his most important findings and gave eight rules that you should follow if you want to show your friends, superiors and partners limits.

Don’t wait for the “right time” it doesn’t exist

If you read through the article, you might think: yes, but … it doesn’t fit right now. Finally there is problem X, event Y or project Z. “But the truth is: there is no one right time,” says Albert. “You never have quiet moments without problems, there’s always something. Sometimes it’s a new job, sometimes it’s Corona. That’s normal. ”So don’t wait for the perfect moment to step out of your comfort zone and take the first step.

According to Albert, this initially consists of reflecting on everyday life. “Log your daily routine in 15-minute steps for a week to see how stressful you are.” Take a close look at your log. How much time do you spend on work? Are there friends who call you every day and take your time and energy away?

Once you have identified your energy guzzlers, you can think about how long they have been depriving you of energy – and estimate how long it will go on. “I often hear: ‘It is difficult at the moment.’ But this moment has often lasted for many years.”

“It’s absolutely okay to renegotiate relationships”

“I’ve been in this relationship, friends with this person or in the job for so many years. If nothing has changed in time, nothing will change now. ”Many have this thought – but it is not true, says Albert.

“It would of course be ideal if you clarified everything in advance. In reality, this is almost never possible, ”says the coach. “You start a relationship – be it professional or personal – and over time things creep in or become clear. It’s absolutely okay to renegotiate a relationship. Even after ten years. “

According to Albert, you have to internalize certain rules so that you can renegotiate relationships and show limits. We have listed them for you here:

8 rules that make it easier for you to set limits


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