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The parenting issue: “Will my daughter (4) be left out?”

Although her daughter always comes out of school cheerfully, Djerney is not so comfortable: “Ivy was really looking forward to starting primary school, she was really ready for it. For the time being she seems to be enjoying it. and she sometimes has play dates. But she also tells me that it regularly happens that she is locked out. Then children say that they cannot play during recess or in the puppet corner. Something like that breaks my heart. Should I talk to the teacher or am I worried too soon? “

A reassurance from Annelies Bobeldijk of WOW! Parenting coaching: children of that age do not systematically exclude anyone. “They are actually very open and play with everyone. At this age it is also questionable whether she really was not allowed to play. It may also be that the dolls corner was already full or that she did not dare to ask if they could join. She then has the feeling that she is not allowed to participate, but that does not actually have to be the case. Often it is mainly the fear of not being allowed to participate that speaks here, than that this was really the case. that it is mainly a matter of becoming more resilient. One child is naturally more resilient than another child. “

Fortunately, you can help your child become more resilient and develop social skills. Bobeldijk recommends taking your child to a playground in the neighborhood: “Then pay close attention to what is happening. If you see your child linger around other children because he actually wants to participate, then it is smart to literally demonstrate how you If the child can handle this, walk to the other children together, bend your knees and tell your child what he can say, for example, “I’m in!” So don’t just send your child out with the message that he should just ask, that’s too abstract for such young children. ”

After this ‘mission’, it is important to come back to it with your child, according to the parenting coach. “Then you can say to your child, ‘See, you did it!’ This way your child sees the results of his actions and gains success experiences. The next time you can refer to them: “Then you succeeded too!” This builds up self-confidence. “

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